Sometimes when I am sitting alone late in the night and wondering how I ended up at this point in life, I feel a desperate urge to reach out to someone and just tell them to make it all better. I want to call my dumdum-ex boyfriend and ask him to hold me and save me.
But then I hold myself back. I stop and sit on my hands if I have to, to stop myself from contacting him.
Self compassion takes years to learn – you have to unlearn the self destruction first.
And it is important that you make the choice to distance yourself from this man. It is important that you find your peace of mind far away from where you may be constantly running into him.
But more than anything, keep trying. You have to wake up every day with a purpose and with a dream to make that day better than your last.
I had a problem with the “wow did this just happen?” moment when I was facing relationship abuse. I was falling apart and I was in shock at the same time. I used to just stop and go into a daze because I couldn't believe anyone could treat me that badly.
But this is not all bad news. It means you’re waking up. It means you have finally decided to see that the treatment you got was unacceptable and have started to take action.
It is never too late.
It is also easy to talk. The dumdum-ex was always full of ideas about how he would prove his love to me etc, but unless you see actions, take it with a whole bucket of salt.
These men are all weak. It takes a strong man to keep promises and to cherish a woman. A weak man gets by without these qualities.
I’m also sure everyone goes through a phase of wanting to be “friends”. A part of me still hopes that one day me and dumdum could be friends, but it is a deluded, misunderstood and a very very small part of me.
I am proud of myself everyday for making the choice and deciding that enough was enough and I needed to get out. I am proud because I finally realised that it is NOT okay to feel hurt and pain and cry myself to sleep every night of my life.
If you are in this situation, use this chance and wake up. Realise that you need to get out. And if you've made the decision and are taking baby-steps away from the disaster zone your life used to be:
Good luck on waking up, be proud of you.
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